It’s the little things…

Guys, let’s talk cock.

Yes, I’m shameless, but so are you. What’s the point of being a man in a world full of women (or other men, depending on your preference) if you look down at your naked, digital self and see no naked, digital bits dangling there?

Got one of those freebie knobs in a massive box o’ stuff yet? Tried it on? Almost poked someone’s eye out with that enormous orange whanger?

Mmhm. Not too great, is it? I’ve lost count of the number of n00b guys I’ve seen wandering around with the Standard Enormous Orange Newbie Cock poking outta their pants. It ain’t nice, boys. It really ain’t nice. Oh, it’s hilarious, I grant you. Never fails to make me point at the screen and giggle like an idiot with my girlfriends in IM, but oh boy you do look silly…

So, you’re new, you’re trying to live on the cheap in this digital world, but you’re really missing your digital bits. And while Xcite! is great if you want the bells and whistles (and all the associated icky stuff and clicky stuff that it lets you – and others! – do) you don’t really want a cock that talks to you and your partner of choice. And you certainly don’t want to be paying 700L$ or so for that talking knob.

So where do you go?

OK, I think I have the solution. I’ve spoken to a couple of my in-world guy friends, and they’ve told me to send you lot to Midnight Lotus. Just to the left of you, when the world has rezzed, you’ll see a small box on the floor. Floating above it is the tempting text: “Touch me for a free cock”. Now there’s an offer you don’t hear every day, so getcher free knob, go somewhere private, and try it on.

I know, I know. It’s got a tattoo on it, and that tattoo is a lovely shade of purple. But guys? That just shows how big ‘n’ tough ‘n’ manly you are, to get a tat there! It’s also a great ad for Midnight Lotus, who – let’s face it – have just given you what is actually a very well-made, and more importantly, realistic prim penis (in three skintones, no less).

OK, I threw Mar into her male shape and skin again and attached her new prim bits, just so I could take a screenshot. Nonono, you won’t get the whole thing, because Photobucket would remove it before you could say, “Hey, I want one of those!” But I took a real close-up of the tat, so you could see it. It’s at the very top of the cock, and isn’t actually all that bad:

Unfortunately, as the notecard says, technical support is not available for your free cock. *tries to keep a straight face*

Oh, I almost forgot the most important thing. Yeah, it’s not a bad size, too ;-)

And while we’re here, shall we have a vote for the Worst Newbie Cock in SL? Anyone seen a really godawful one?